life....

fragile...

I can't get the image of Cody (Seth's bud) laying, dying in the middle of the highway ... dark and alone.. gone


tender.....

at first Seth couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about it. I told him that was fine, but, he needed to be with his friends so he could have someone to talk to. He is in Ada right now, all of his buds hanging out, eating together, talking, planning a motorcycle run to help Cody's family pay for funeral expenses. He finally did open up to me a little this afternoon as he was driving to Ada. I could feel the intensity of our bond as clearly as if we were holding each other in an embrace.. the way you hang on to someone real when Death hits you in the face.

the only thing I know for sure about life.. is that it goes on

Levi, Christi and I spent our afternoon together picking up pecans, enjoying the beauty of this little piece of ground that claims our hearts, discussing our plans.. mostly their plans for the future. We built barns, and sheds and raised small livestock, grew big gardens and learned to can..

Levi goes in for oral surgery early in the morning. He is understandably a little nervous, since he has never even had a tooth filled much less pulled. They are taking out all 4 wisdom teeth.

and I know life can be hard....

as I am sitting here in my office typing I am hearing Mark back in the shop cursing God and man and machine and everything in between. The job he is trying to do is beyond not only his capabilities but way beyond the capability  of his old machines (to do precision work).  He takes it very personally, evidently.

So, all at once today I am tired, and feel horrible with this cold that won't let go, sad, and happy, deeply loved and content, proud of my boys, and irritated with Mark's bad attitude. That's pretty much running the gauntlet of  emotion, don't' you think?