Friday, January 15, 2016

I have to wonder sometimes if every human is as messed up in the head as I am?

So much fear and anxiety, so much hatred and negativity .... Once again, fear and loathing is the way I feel most of the time.

I dreamed last night that I was changing a baby's diaper in the trunk of my car in the middle of a huge, empty parking lot. I just got a new diaper part way on him and he peed all over the place. I looked down and there was a towel on the ground. I reached for it and suddenly it was out of my reach. I walked to where it was, seemed far. I looked up and I was in the middle of this parking lot and a semi was heading right at me. I looked back at the car where I had left the baby and someone was walking towards it. They grabbed my baby and threw it like a football.....

Fear. Anxiety. Insecurities.

In all of my dreams.

Never anything pleasant.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Been a bad day for dieting.

I will do better tomorrow.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

The whole weight loss thing just wears me out. I am pleased that I have lost 17 pounds on one hand, then, I think...Lord, if I lose another 17 I will only be "down" to 200 pounds. HOLY CRAP! When did I get so freaking fat. How did I let this happen??
All I know to do is keep trying. Rejoice in small victories and keep pushing.
After my shower last night I could actually wrap the towel all the way around me. Yeah Me!

Monday, December 21, 2015

It is probably a very good thing that we have no close neighbors....

Ms. Em loves music, she loves it LOUD.
I make her wear headphones, but, she also likes to sing...AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

Sounds a whole lot like we are torturing her or a very sick cow. ... but, I never make her stop. I just come out to the office or go sit outside.

That's my girl.

Friday, December 18, 2015

So. Freaking. Depressed.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Sunny and cold. Makes me glad to be alive.

Up and at 'em. I took care of the chickens and out for my daily walk. Absolutely beautiful morning.
At this stage of my life I am grateful for every new day. As you get old, older, you really learn to live in the moment because the moment may be all you have.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I know no one cares, but, no one reads so what the heck....

In August I downloaded an app called LoseIt. My projected goal was to lose 50 pounds at 1 pound per week. So far I have lost 12 pounds. As fat as I am you can't really tell that I've lost any, but, I'm starting to feel the difference. I'll just keep poking along doing the best I can. I really have to do it his time. I've had to start another, third, blood pressure medication to keep my BP under control.