Down Home

2009-11-01T14:30:00.002-06:00

What are you reading?

nothing.

I went to the little local library and looked for something; I asked them if they had anything by Sylvia Plath or Mary Oliver and no, of course, they don't. They have lots of Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts but sorry that won't do today.

What are you watching?

Our routine is that after supper Mark, Emily & I sit together and watch an episode of whatever TV series we are interested in and have on DVD. We have watched all of Smallville, all of NCIS. I rented the first few episodes of Supernatural to see if we like it and we do. So, I ordered the first season on DVD to continue this ritual.

Seth and I watched "Knowing" with Nicolas Cage... meh (as Kristen would say)... kind of an interesting story but they just didn't pull it off in this movie.
"Push"... same thing, you would think they could have made this work but it just seemed kind of thrown together to me.
"The Heffalump Halloween Movie".. adorable
"Tinker Bells Lost Treasure"... I so love Tink.

We celebrated Halloween with our annual bonfire/weenie roast, a couple of friends, and the OU Football game. I sat in the house with Zoe the last half of the game because she was getting restless and tired of being held down by the fire. I didn't mind because by then I was worn out. Planning and executing even a small party is a lot of work.

Mark is in the studio this afternoon putting final touches on KP & Southern Rain's second CD. We hope to have it back from production by the 21st of November. That is when the band will be playing at The Wormy Dog in OKC. I'm sure you've never heard of the place but for red dirt bands it is THE place to play in Oklahoma. We've been trying for a year to get a date there and finally made it. It was one of the things on our big to-do list for this year. The only other thing that hasn't been accomplished is to get a song on the Texas charts. Kevin and I decided it was time to make a new, bigger list... and we put Billy Bob's in Ft. Worth at the top of that list. Look out Billy Bob's ... here we come.

2009-10-28T09:55:00.003-05:00

It has been a year ago today that my Mother died. It seems like so much longer. It's funny how easily I have let that all just slip out of my mind.

I haven't talked to either one of my brothers more than a couple of times over the year and that was just to answer questions or settle something that pertained to Mother's estate. I don't think you would call what I feel forgiveness but I have let it go. The anger and hate was not good for me. I still don't want anything to do with either one of them but they don't preoccupy my mind. I just don't care.

It makes me sad to look up there at Mother's little house and see what disrepair her place has fallen into in such a short time.... junk litters the almost always unmowed yard, the vinyl siding needs to be cleaned and has algae growing on it. Her flower beds are weedy and grown over. She is not there anymore, no sign of her.

2009-10-24T23:07:00.002-05:00

If we could but live to be one hundred and ten we might begin to understand what we need to know about how to live this one wild and precious life we've been given.

When you are young all you know is what your raging hormones tell you and then you wind up married and pregnant with Lord who knows how many babies.

And then you are too busy for hormones or life either one.

and then you are old and too tired.

We should live longer and to be stronger so we might enjoy the wisdom we have so wisely earned. So, we could run and play and dance with the wind, lay in the grass and feel the sun on our skin, have wild and (thank goodness) unproductive sex.

Someone somewhere got it all wrong, we shouldn't grow old and feeble, we should grow stronger and stronger.

2009-10-21T11:45:00.002-05:00

Well, it is official.

Levi and Christi are going to have another baby.

I think they are crazy and they know I think they are so if they read this it will not be anything I haven't said to their faces.

But, what do I know?

It was planned.

Zoe-Beth, what we call her most of the time or Stinker Bell, is going to be a big sister while she is still in diapers. Oh, well. It is what it is. They are hoping for a boy this time and Emily has declared that is what it is.

Zoe-Beth, what a girl. She is her Daddy all over again. God help them. She is not a year old yet (next month believe it or not) and she is head strong, opinionated and absolutely full of herself. She is saying lots of words... Daddy, daddy, mommy, doggy, HI, and of course lots of just noises that mean nothing to us but she seems quiet sure that we should understand.
She is a good eater. I've found very few things she doesn't like except mashed potatoes... who doesn't like mashed potatoes?? She eats two of those little Gerber packages at dinner time, she likes most veggies and loves fruit. I feed her bananas, yogurt, graham crackers, noodles, beans, anything soft that I am eating. She has four teeth, two bottom, two top.

If she is hungry you will know it, she gets very verbal (and grumpy). If you do something she doesn't like she will definitely let you know about it. She really gives Christi hell if she isn't getting what she wants and Levi has had to swat her little bottom a few times for not just disobeying a "no-no" but disobeying and looking him right in the eye and growling at him.

I have to really fight to keep from laughing and on the inside I am thinking....

PAYBACK

I am planning a birthday party for her at our house and of course her other Mimi is having one for their family. I bought the cutest personalized paper plates from Hallmark, they are Tinker Bell plates with a picture of Tink looking at a picture of Zoe. It is adorable, Zoe's eyes look just like Tink's, big and round and blue. I am going to order a Tinker Bell sheet cake and I will make cupcakes so she can have her own. I am giving her things that she can keep for a lifetime and pass on or sell when she is older, a proof set of the coins minted the year she was born and a silver walking eagle one dollar coin plus of course a toy or two.

As you can tell I have fallen into the typical goofy Grandma mode and am head-over-heels in love with the little toot.

2009-10-17T17:54:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking about something Erica said in a recent post about mothering....

Thinking about the women I have come from...

My mother was not a strong woman, or what I consider a strong woman. She was rather meek and mild mannered as far as I was concerned. She was thrust into the position of having to be strong, not by choice, but, by necessity. She was the oldest child who had to take charge a lot because her Mother also had been thrust into the position of sole bread winner in their family by a husband who came back from the war mentally broken. People in those days didn't talk about mental illness in a family but from what I have gleaned over the years that is what happened to my Grandfather. All that was ever said about him is that he was quiet, very quiet, read a lot, was intelligent but he couldn't (for reasons never mentioned) make their living. So, Mama (as we all called her) took over as head of the household. She ran a community grocery store/post office during the depression and was post mistress. She couldn't drive (and Grandpa just didn't) so a lot of responsibility to fell to my Mother. Grandfather died young leaving Mama on her own. She sold the store and moved into town (Ada)making her living doing cleaning, laundry and ironing for other people.

My mother never wanted to be the bread winner of our family, had no intentions of doing so. But, when Daddy became disabled she stepped up (like her Mother had done) and took the challenge by going back to school to get certified as a nutritionist and going to work in a local private school for children with disabilities.

From what I have heard of my Great Grandmother was that she was an extremely hard working woman who raised not only her own family but two of her grandchildren whose Mother died young, was a preachers wife, took care of an invalid Uncle and was the rock of the entire family structure.

So, my women had it in them to be strong courageous women even if they didn't particularly want to be. If they had lived in any other time they might have become feminists by choice.

I think if their stories were told most women have that innate strength inside them. And, we are the lucky ones, the women who aren't expected to be meek or mild mannered. We can let our strengths shine without shame.

I hope to live long enough to see what kind of women Zoe's generation produces.

2009-10-10T22:02:00.003-05:00

I am a woodcutter, lumberjack from way back; should be a song or a poem in there somewhere, huh?

But I am.

My Dad went totally deaf when he was in his forties, being a auto mechanic, that kind of put him on the disabled list. We moved to the farm after that, he grew all of our food and did odd jobs to make a little cash. He drew disability and took care of us kids while Mother became the main breadwinner. One of the jobs he did was lumberjack. He cut trees and hauled the logs to a mill in Paris, Texas that made crates. A lot of my favorite child hood memories are of being out in the woods with him and my brothers, driving in his big trucks, going to the mill. We would leave the house with the Mac truck loaded with logs at three o'clock in the morning, drive to Paris, stop to eat pancakes, and have me back in Allen in time for school. He always blew the big air horn when he dropped me off, just to see me smile.

When Mark and I first married our only source of heat was wood. We did a lot of wood cutting. Sometimes it was not much fun. Like the days when Mark would have ice hanging from his mustache because it was so cold.

The years Levi was fifteen to seventeen he got interested in cutting wood, maybe from our stories, maybe from having been with us when he was small. He bought two new Husquavarna chain saws, one for him and one for me, and we got busy. After we got gas heat in the house, Mark just was not all that interested in woodcutting anymore and the place was in need of a lot of work, clearing underbrush and cleaning fence rows that had been neglected for a long time. Levi and I kicked butt. On top of all the clearing, we spent that two years building walking trails.

When Seth turned 14 he inherited my chain saw.

Now, just about the only time we do that sort of work is this time of year when the weather is so freaking perfect for it. It was clear, sunny,and fifties today. A picture perfect day for being out there.

I'm not sure what it is about it that is so satisfying to me - maybe working hard, side by side with my boys, the weather, the accomplishment of how good it looks when we clear an area, the satisfaction of stacking up wood to be burned ... I don't know. But, I love it.

Today was Zoe's first wood cutting trip, she sat snuggled up in a blanket in her Mama's lap but she will grow up remembering the smell of chainsaw oil and fresh cut wood, cold air, and the sounds of a family working and laughing together.

And, oh yeah, the lumberjack's breakfast that comes afterwards.

2009-10-06T12:51:00.003-05:00

You know.... (big, heavy sigh)... I don't mind being a penny pincher, in fact, I come by it naturally, but, I am really tired of being broke.

We have had the worst year this year since we started our business 20 years ago.

I'm sure I'm like so many others that just kept thinking that the economy was going to turn around for the better... after tax season.. .during summer.. but our economy has gotten steadily worse. We hung on for a while when gas prices were still high because a lot of our shop work is oil field related but when gas and oil prices dropped our business slowly sank. Right now some of biggest customers who have been in business for 20, 30 years are barely able to keep their doors open.

I guess we took those millions of stimulus dollars and threw them away or rather gave them away to the crooks that already had all the money.

Our online retail store has all but just disappeared. We don't get but one or two orders a month anymore. If it weren't for local sales and install jobs we would have to just shut it down. And, those jobs are few and far between.

I'm not sure what we are going to do, just keep trying to keep our head above water, I guess... what choice do we have? The government sure as hell isn't offering to bail us out, are they?

2009-09-29T23:35:00.002-05:00

Fall in Oklahoma is a beautiful time to be here. The weather is so perfect it is just unbelievable, the mornings and evenings are cool enough for light jacket or sweatshirt, the days are cool and sunny and crisp. I just can't get enough of being outside. I woke early this morning just so I could get up and go out for a walk.
My big fuzzy dogs absolutely love this, they are playful to the point of unruly when I let them out of their pen in the mornings. So, we have to go run it off before they can settle down enough to be fed.

I have mowed most of the garden down. I did leave the tomato plants because I still get a small one every couple of days and I just haven't done the okra yet because it will require getting the brush hog over there. The marigolds are still blooming like crazy as are the spider lilies.

Zoe Beth is 10 1/2 months old now and she is such a joy to be around. The girl has a sense of humor and a mean streak like her Daddy did. Every once in a while you can look at her and just see the mischief in her eyes. Smart little booger, too. I bought her one of those balls that you put the shapes into and within a couple of weeks she has figured out how to do it by herself. You have to turn the ball to the right shape for her but she can get them in all by herself. I love to watch her, you can just see those little wheels turning. She absolutely adores her Uncle Seth and Aunty Em. She's not much of a snuggler, just about the only person she really loves on is her Mama. I do get a hug every once in a while but not too often. She calls me "mam, mam" She is saying a couple of words, of course, she does mama and daddy, daddy -it's never just daddy, it is daddy, daddy. She also says Hi,in this long drawn out okie accent and uh oh when she throws something in the floor for you to pick up. She has a special noise for tickle and doggy but they haven't quiet become words yet.

This Grandma thing is really fun.

2009-09-25T13:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know if it is that I am a late bloomer or maybe it is true what they say about wisdom coming with age (and experience) but I seem to finally be coming into myself.

I have thought about it a lot lately and have come to the conclusion that this is what happens to children who are raised by bad parents and grow up with no self-confidence, no self-esteem,and no self-worth, it takes those children longer, much longer, to find out who they really are.

I am one of those.

I went through all those years of being "the party girl" using my bad behavior and addictions to make me who I was. It wasn't pretty.

Then just as many years using religion as my crutch. I was that super religious, over zealous, perfect Proverbs 31 woman. It wasn't me.

Finally, in this late stage of the game I am discovering myself and I had yet another epiphany about me just in the last few days....

I am in the process of renewing a friendship with a woman that was my dearest and closest companion for years. She and I lived together for several years during one of the worst times of my life. She changed my life in so many ways but in the end I wound up betraying her friendship and going my own way.

Over the last few weeks while we have made tentative contact I have thought a lot about how that "might" have turned out. She is strong and beautiful. She is fiercely
independent. She is an unmarried career woman. I have always admired her but never wanted to be her. I thought I did but it really hit home recently that even if I could (and I could) I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I am what I am and I have become what I always wanted to be. I like being Mark's wife and the mother of all these kids. I'm good at it. For me, this is as it should be.

I am content.

2009-09-15T23:50:00.002-05:00

I love the change of the seasons, with each change there is something I love, but especially fall. It is such a relief when the summer heat is finally over and the cooler days come. I'm sad that the garden is for the most part done for the year. I could still be growing fall vegetables but I was too lazy to till up the summer vegetables and replant for fall, extreme heat makes me not care. I still get a tomato every few days but they don't taste great this time of year, they are small, the skins are tough and the tomatoes get very acidic in fall. I could still be picking okra every single day but I just got tired of it. I am getting a few, very few, bell peppers. But, for the most part it is over. The flowers are still pretty though.
The fall wild flowers are starting in the pastures. They are beautiful and the native grasses are at their peak right now - long and tall they sway in the wind with their heavy seed heads. There is one (I need to look up the name of it again) that if you catch it just right when the seed head is almost in full bloom, you can pull the seed head out and the tip of the stem is tender and sweet to eat. (Emily thinks I'm crazy out there eating grass :) Our weather has just been delightful. My walks are just glorious, never fast enough to be really good for me, but I just can't hurry when all around me is such beauty to behold. I have to stop and look at each new flower and every butterfly and watch the bumble bees with their legs so full of pollen I am sure they won't be able to fly. On this mornings walk I watched a hummingbird on the purple nettle, it was magnificent. This afternoon I saw a hawk swoop down and snatch a snake.
There is not much work to do outside right now, it is too early to prepare beds for winter and the mowing has all but stopped. But, I've noticed that if I don't take the time to go out and just be I start feeling depressed and disconnected. So, I take long slow walks and golf cart rides. I go sit in my healing circle (of trees)and talk to the universe. I need that spiritual connection and out there is where it is for me.

p.s. I don't actually hug trees but I do like to lay my hand on the bark just to feel the texture and I keep thinking that someday Grandmother sycamore might just speak to me :)

2009-09-05T23:42:00.002-05:00

What a disappointing day it has been. We have been getting psyched up around here for days for the first OU football game of the year and then to have it turn out like it did... phooey. Not only did we lose to an unranked team but our star QB was injured and will be out for weeks if not for the season.

So much for OU football this year.

I have been having a horrible time adjusting to the new BP medication I'm taking. So, I've done a little self-medicating and cut the dosage in half and then I will build up to taking the whole dosage as I get used to it. But, I think with the change the cough is getting a little better. I have slept two or three nights this week without waking up having a coughing fit.

Mark is off on a new tangent... I don't really feel at liberty to talk about it yet. But, if it works out it could be a very good deal and a life saver for our dwindling business. (you know that feeling if you talk about something it might jinx it?)
You will be the first to know if it does work.

Our lives are pretty constant, (ie. boring) school is going smoothly, the kids are good, Zoe is growing up so fast. Their talk of moving has subsided a little, so maybe it is not going to happen anytime soon. I have always fully expected that eventually they would leave here to try life on their own but now that there is a Zoe I dread it more all the time.

So... how is life with you?

2009-08-22T00:49:00.002-05:00

Another night of no sleep. It is almost one o'clock in the morning and here I am sitting in the office. I'm tired but not the least bit sleepy. I haven't taken my pills yet and even that doesn't guarantee that I will sleep. I will finish up here and go sit with Em some more, she also never sleeps (at night). Mark goes to bed early, gets up early - we live in two different worlds. Lately it has been two or later when I finally can lay down. Some nights I sleep,most nights I am up and down all night long. I usually make Em go to bed sometime around two but she most often waits until I leave and then sits up in her bed and "talks" to her pretend friends. Some nights I still hear her at four and five o'clock in the morning. But, she sleeps all day. Like I said Mark gets up early, he goes to the shop for a while but then he comes in to have breakfast and it always wakes me up - no matter how little sleep I've had.
I guess I have just gotten used to it, the no sleep, the always being tired, the having to force myself to do the things that need to be done.

Getting old, menopause, I don't know, but, it is no fun.

I have a question for you

2009-08-15T19:37:00.001-05:00

Okay, so Seth turns 16 in a couple of weeks, 10 days to be exact and he will be allowed to date (Sandra is sitting there thinking "I can't believe she is going to let Seth date") Since I have not dated in 40 years I am a little out of the loop on dating protocol.

My question is... are the guys still expected to pay for everything on a date or do kids go dutch?

so enlighten me, please.

2009-08-13T22:45:00.002-05:00

I remembered about 12:30 last night that I had forgotten to put chlorine in the pool and went out to take care of that. As I turned to walk back up to the house, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a streak go across the sky like fireworks. I got Seth and he and I went out to watch.
We sat at the top of the drive-way, one of the few places that you can get out from under the cover of trees. We sat for about an hour and watched and talked about life, the universe, and sometimes nothing at all. I love those times of being together like that, I mean we are in the same vicinity almost 24/7 but not always "together" like we were last night. We were present in the same moment enjoying the universe together.
He is an amazing young man. I'm not sure I have ever known anyone with his capacity for love and compassion.

2009-08-11T23:44:00.002-05:00

I have a funny story about the Perseid meteor shower:

When I was a child, ten or twelve, I was asleep on a hot August night and my Mom came yelling into the house and dragged me and my brother out of a deep sleep into the night. She was crying and carrying on and I couldn't figure out what in the world was wrong. She dragged us out onto the top of the cellar and told us to get down on our knees and pray. Now, my Mom was a religious woman but she didn't talk about it much so this was very unusual behavior. She was crying that the world was coming to an end. It took me a few minutes to get over the shock of the moment and get awake enough to look around me to try to figure out what she was talking about. From my knees, I looked up to see the most amazing thing I had or have ever seen. It literally looked as if all the stars were falling out of the sky. It was at the same time as scary as it was beautiful. Looking back I can understand why it scared her. I don't know if she didn't know about the Perseid or if she had just forgotten. We stayed outside for what seemed to be a long time and then when the world didn't end just went back in to bed. We heard the next day on television what it was.

I have never seen another meteor shower that even came close.

But, we are watching tonight to see what happens.

sweet 16... yeah, right

2009-08-11T14:39:00.002-05:00

Seth's sixteenth birthday is two weeks from today. Every time I think about it I want to cry. It is not rational, I know. I didn't feel this way with any of the other kids, but, he's my last. At least I think that is why all the irrational emotion. From experience I know that when they turn sixteen and get their license they are GONE. From then until they actually do leave home it is never, ever the same. The baby that we raised to be strong and independent will do just that... become independent. I wouldn't change it for anything but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. I remember not being able to sit at the family dinner table without crying after Levi left home. We finally had to move his chair away from the table and make it a space for just us four. Seth keeps trying to reassure me but he doesn't understand it and probably never will since he is never going to have a Mama's heart.

So, if I am inconsolable for the next few weeks just bear with me, please.

2009-08-08T00:39:00.002-05:00

After all was said and done, the visit wasn't bad. We got over the rough spot I wrote about earlier and pretty much enjoyed the rest of the visit. I am exhausted from not only the extra work of cooking and cleaning for three more people but the constant drama that is Melissa just flat wears me out. I suppose you all know people like that, that every waking moment of their lives is some huge dramatic crisis. Makes me very tired, hell, just listening to her talk non stop is enough to wear me out. But, in all honesty I enjoyed her more this time than I ever have. She is pretty funny.
Seth thoroughly enjoyed Lance being here and is sad to see him go.

I think I will sleep all day tomorrow.

2009-08-03T11:04:00.002-05:00

AND.... this is why I was not all that thrilled at the prospect of Charlie coming to visit.

Two day in and he has already ruined it for everyone and broken Emily's heart. Saturday they went to visit his Grandpa Winters which is the real reason for the visit because Pop is 89 years old and not in good health. His new wife is telling everyone he has prostate cancer but who knows if that is true... the Winters name is a synonym for DRAMA. Of course from visiting his Pop everyone else knows he is in town and whether Charlie is just weak or a willing victim I don't know but he let his nephews talk him into going to the lake with them. I knew it meant trouble and it did.
Charlie got shit faced, stupid drunk and Melissa left him at the lake and came back to the house without him. She did the right thing. I did not want him here in that condition (and she knew that). Now they are fighting and to be honest I just don't want to see him and I damn sure am not going to get in the middle of it. They can take it somewhere else because it is NOT going to happen at my house.

Emily was upset that they left in the first place and she spent all day waiting for them to come back. Her heart was broken when Charlie didn't come back at all. My boys who were really enjoying seeing their older brother now don't want anything else to do with him.

yep, this is why. It happens every time.

Levi G. Parker

2009-07-28T13:40:00.003-05:00

July 28, 2009

Twenty-two years ago today, July 28, 1987, Levi Gordon Parker was born.

I was 28 when Mark and I got married in 1983 and had an 11 year old son, Charlie. I never really wanted to have more kids, but, I loved Mark and he was only 24 when we got married and I was afraid that he would regret someday not having children, so, I offered and he agreed that we should try. I had my IUD removed and just a few days later Mark left to take our van loaded with all our worldly possessions to Hamilton Montana where we would be moving. I stayed in Oklahoma to finish selling what we had left including my 1969 Chevelle. Two weeks later Charlie and I flew to Montana. The night I arrived at our new home Levi was conceived.

Levi was a beautiful baby, at two years old he had big blue eyes and long curly blond hair and could say his ABC's. At three he was a holy terror until we had Emily and he became a big brother, it changed him. He was and is the epitome of the oldest child syndrome, intense, serious, and brilliant. At four he learned to read, by the time he was five he could read on a first grade level.

He also had a mean streak that worried me. At about age six I looked at him one day and wondered what in the world was wrong with him and then I realized he was just like me..... after that I understood him better.

It took a hard hand to keep him in line, but, he was a wonderful and obedient son.

When he was an older teen he thanked me for being such a tough Mom. He understood.

He has grown up to be a man that I am abundantly proud of. He excels at everything he puts his hand to. He is a good husband and a wonderful father to Zoe and I am glad that he is my son.

2009-07-27T00:02:00.003-05:00

It is sad, but, true.

I am getting tired of my garden. I would actually like to just mow it all down and quit for this year but the tightwad in me won't let me. I have more tomatoes than I can eat or give away (I never, ever thought I would have trouble giving away fresh organic homegrown tomatoes) but I can't just let them go so I have made juice and tomorrow I will start a batch, a big batch, of salsa.
The squash is all gone, the squash bugs destroyed the vines. The cucumbers are slowing down a bit and this time of year they start getting bitter for some reason.
I'm still getting enough green beans to fix them a couple of times a week and the okra is just getting started so I am still enjoying it.

We are having unusual weather for late July in Oklahoma. It rained last night and was cloudy and not too hot all day today. But, we still have August. :(

Our weekend was very nice. Levi's birthday dinner was a lot of fun. In case any of you worried about our drinking habits, here's how we drink (we're a bunch of lightweights) I had three tequila sunrises with probably not much more than an ounce of tequila in all three combined. Mark drank two beers. Levi had three shots of tequila with lime spaced out over the entire evening. Christi carried around one tequila sunrise but I don't think she ever drank more than half. Charity didn't drink at all, Jason had a few beers but Charity was driving.
I've done the whole being a drunk routine years ago in another lifetime and have no desire what-so-ever to ever be drunk again. EVER. But, it is nice to be free enough to have a cocktail when I want to.

I kept Zoe this morning so Levi and Christi could go out on their date night, well date morning. They went out to eat and to see Harry Potter. It kind of ruined my day for doing much else so we laid around and watched movies and television. We watched Flash of Genius, the story about Robert Kerns who invented the intermittent windshield wiper. I thought the man was stupid, just to prove he was right he lost his job, his wife and family and 12 years of his life.

Okay,I'm through rambling for tonight.. off to shower and hang out with Ms Em in her room for a while.

Love you guys
Hope you had a good weekend.

2009-07-24T23:18:00.002-05:00

Busy day tomorrow. Levi's birthday is Tuesday, odd day for celebrating, so, we are doing it tomorrow night. This will be a transition year for us; he turned 21 last year and we had a big blow out party. This year marks the end of Levi getting birthday gifts from us. We are having one couple who are mutual friends (and Levi's co-worker) and us for a nice quiet dinner party and that's it. Gifts from now on will be reserved for Zoe Beth. I will leave his gift buying to his wife.

The menu for tomorrow night will be:

shrimp on ice (that's the way Levi likes it)
served with a tangy cocktail sauce

Black Angus sirloin - grilled

corn on the cob
baked potatoes
salad
herbed French bread

Italian creme cake from Kalico Kitchen (you just can't believe how good this is)

and

Tequila - anyway you like it.. shots with lime, margaritas, tequila sunrise.. name your poison.

Happy Birthday Levi

2009-07-23T12:18:00.002-05:00

Last night as we were walking into Burger King, Emily holding onto my arm, she tripped and fell. Her falling is (one of)my biggest fears. She is wobbly, one leg shorter than the other and walking even a short distance is hard for her but she insists on walking into restaurants because she is embarrassed in her chair because people stare at her. They stare anyway but the chair makes it worse.
When she fell it took me by surprise and I went down with her. I don't' know that I could have stopped it even if I knew it was coming, but, maybe I slowed her down a little. She landed on her "good" knee and hands. It scared her, it hurt, it embarrassed her. She wanted to cry but she was too embarrassed.
After we got her up, which wasn't easy, and made sure she was okay I loved on her for a long time and then made a joke out of it. I told her we looked like two little fat dominoes falling over. She thought it was hilarious and we laughed and laughed about it but NO ONE else was allowed to laugh. If her Daddy or brother laughed at our domino joke she got really mad "NOT funny, hurt me"

She is fine, the knee was only red not even scrapped, we seem to by okay as long as there is no blood involved.

She is my hero.

2009-07-18T22:01:00.002-05:00

It has just been a very nice day, nothing special or unusual but nice.

Levi brought Zoe over to me mid-morning so they could get their house ready to bug bomb. I love that little girl. She is turning in to such a character. The funniest thing she is doing right now is this little fake laugh. I think she may turn out to be a smarty-pants just like her Daddy. She is almost there with crawling, doing the up on all fours, rocking back and forth.. won't be long now. She rolls and scoots to get wherever she wants to go.

After they set off the bug bombs they all hung out at the house all afternoon. Let's hope the fleas are gone once and for all.

Mark worked in the studio all day but the band feels like family so there was lots of coming and going. They are going to work part of the day tomorrow and then use our studio for their weekly practice.

Seth has been working on his Tahoe. Something was wrong with the headlights but he and his Dad got it fixed.

Our weather has cooled off considerably. It was bearable to be outside. I've been working on cleaning out one of my flower beds that I let die in the heat. (the only thing I have watered is the vegetable garden).

I am getting LOTS of tomatoes. I made one quart of juice yesterday and probably have enough tomatoes to do at least two more tomorrow. Everything else is dying out, except the okra and it is just getting started. I'm thinking about tilling up the green beans to plant some fall veggies.

I'm reading "I know why the caged bird sings" by Maya Angelou. I had never read anything other than her poetry. I really like her writing.

Okay, enough rambling for tonight... off to play Farm Town.

2009-07-13T11:26:00.002-05:00

It was about 8:30, right before dark, but, still light enough to see any critters I didn't want to put my hand on and I had been picking tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, and a few okra from my lovely little garden. I stopped to move the rain bird so I could turn it on in the morning. I started across the bridge headed back to the house, slowly, stopping to pet Rufus who was butting against my leg wanting attention. I looked across my back yard towards the pool and as always am just amazed at the beauty of the place where I live. We don't have majestic mountains or bubbling streams, we don't have oceans, but to me it is beautiful. The pecan grove stands majestic, 50 - 75' tall trees line each side of the grove with a little dip in the middle which creates the nicest breeze on the whole place. The grass recently mowed looks like a golf course that stretches out into fields of native tall grasses.

It makes my heart sing.

All of a sudden an overwhelming sadness came over me.

The thought that in not too many years I won't be here anymore to take care of this place. I wondered if Seth will? Levi is pretty career driven and I doubt that he will be here much longer.

I wondered if my Mom had the same thoughts in those years after Daddy died and before we came to live here? and the relief she must have felt when she saw how much I love the place.

I guess what brought this on is the upcoming birthday. I will be 55 years old this year. Honey, that's old. I am eligible for Senior Citizens discounts now.. geez.

Getting old is so freaking weird. You don't get old in your mind, but your body betrays you. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just can't believe it is me. You are not sure how you are supposed to act when you are old. I don't want to be a silly old woman trying to act like a teen but I don't' want to be an old lady either.

I used to think I would be okay with dying once my kids were all grown and settled in their lives. But, I want to watch Zoe grow up. And there is always Emily... who could possibly love her like I do? Who would ever have the patience to take care of her?

It's a hard blow when your own mortality smacks you in the face.

cucumber dill dip

2009-07-11T20:15:00.002-05:00

dice fresh cucumbers in very small pieces or grate (I prefer the diced)
salt and let stand for about 10 minutes
drain
add sour cream enough to make a dip like consistency
(you could probably use plain yogurt, I've just never tried it)
and fresh dill to taste, chopped very fine

I don't have any exact proportions for this since I just kind of made it up. It's very good with fish.