I used to be friends with a woman named K...., I loved her, admired her, still do. I think she is one of the smartest women I have ever known. A big part of my admiration is because she was a single mom for years, she got pregnant in high school and was smart enough not to marry the guy but had the baby, put herself through college and raised an extraordinary daughter. The daughter went on to become an amazing woman who is now working as a research assistant at one of Oklahoma's largest universities.
K and I met in church, a church which turned out to be way more screwed up than most.. one of those Jim Jones type cult experiences, only all of us didn't die - just the babies (and that is a whole 'nother scary, scary story). K being the smart woman she is left that church before we did and when she and her husband left we were told to "dis-fellowship" them. We left the church just a few months after they did and one of the first things I did was go to her and ask her forgiveness. Leaving a cult like that is not easy. We were made to feel that if you left, you were not just leaving that group, you were walking out on God, walking out from under God's protective cover was how it was put.
K and I renewed our friendship. We were both busy mom's with small children but we made time to see each other when we could. After a few years though I began to realize that most of the effort came from me. Over the years we attended the same churches and stayed in contact but more and more I felt like our "friendship" was draining not just me but probably both of us. So, I quit trying. I stopped calling her. I stopped trying to make arrangements for times to be together. I just stopped. And there was nothing from her. That was about two years ago.
Tonight I ran into her at Walmart. She literally turned her nose up and walked past me with me standing there looking directly at her. I saw her again as she was going out of the store and I didn't allow her to walk past, I spoke to her so she would have to acknowledge me. We made small talk for a minute or two and parted company with her saying "We'll have to get together". I wanted to say "yeah, right" but I just smiled and said Good Bye.
It made me really sad.
It leaves me feeling like I failed as a friend or
That I must be just a horrible person for her to have pushed me away like she did.
Maybe I should go to her and ask her why? But, I'm not sure I want to hear the answer.
4 comments:
We were made to feel that if you left, you were not just leaving that group, you were walking out on God, walking out from under God's protective cover was how it was put.
That is the way my childhood church was, and it was just plain old Baptist.
I also know what it’s like to have a completely one-sided friendship. I had one of those, too. I was the only one to ever make any effort, even though she would always say “we should get together”. I walked away, too. I think you handled the encounter at Walmart perfectly! If you had done something to cause a rift in your friendship, she should have talked to you about it. That’s what friends do. If she’s anything like my old “friend” she is self-centered and doesn’t understand that friendship is a two-way street.
I agree with everything Jennifer said (except mine was an AG church--ha!). Wise advice.
Anyone who would refuse or neglect your friendship has to have something wrong with them. You are so open and loving. People sometimes do stupid things for even more stupid reasons.
Even if you did ask and she answered, you probably wouldn't understand it.
Thanks ladies, I got to thinking about your comments and realized that you guys are right, even when we were supposed to be friends she was never open and honest with me -
friends are supposed to share things.
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