God, I hate it when I allow my emotions to make me act stupidly/react badly to a situation!
I keep telling myself all the things I need to remember about Seth growing up/leaving/moving away from us not only physically but emotionally.
But, DAMN, it is hard.
He has not been present around here in a long time, he comes home to sleep and that is about it. He is always pleasant, he asks every time before he leaves if I need anything or need him to do any thing for me. Since school is out and he and his buddies are free to roam it has been worse. He is gone every day. He's having a blast! Life if good and fun and free for him and I'm happy he is getting the opportunity to experience this "being a kid" time in his life.
But, DAMN, it is hard.
It's hard to accept that we (and more to the point .. . I) am just not that important in his life anymore.
I insisted that he be present at his sister's birthday party.. he came.. showed up after we had ordered pizza, stayed long enough to eat one slice, kissed her on the cheek and left. I had asked him to buy her a gift because she loves getting presents.. it makes her so happy when her brothers do anything for her.
He didn't.
I got pissed.
The way he handled the whole thing made me sooooo angry.
He apologized and I got mean.
I told him I wanted him to just go ahead and move out if he didn't want to be a part...
I sort of meant it, but, don't want it to happen like that.
Hate it when I act stupid.
Damn, it's HARD!!!
5 comments:
I'm so sorry, but he was thoughtless about a gift. Emily would have loved anything he gave her.
That said, this must be one of the hardest transitions for parents, when kids really do get their own lives. Scott is growing up and I feel the same 'Not nearly important or fun anymore' feeling. That's just from the Aunt Cara point of view. It must be wrenching from a parent 'I gave birth to you and made sure you survived and thrived and now I'm just what? Chopped Liver?'
My love to you as you all go through this difficult time of growth and separation.
you get it!!
Love you,
(signed) Chopped Liver
I agree with Cara...he was thoughtless! He should have bought her something and made the effort to be there longer for his sister's birthday. I think that you were right in getting in his face about it. I'm also an aunt of an 18 year old newly graduated boy. Not that he's ever been into family, but I'm feeling replaced by his girlfriend. And, sadly, my mom and dad are feeling the same way you are about my one sister. She wants nothing to do with the family, it seems. And my mom just sits and cries. It's true that you never stop being a mother and no matter if things are going well with your other children, you always want what's best for ALL of them. Sometimes I'm glad I'm not a parent...it seems like there is lots of heartache involved.
Jen, I have just about decided that parenting is a bad idea... talk about a thankless job.
Why do my comments keep disappearing? I think I am going crazy!
This must be such a difficult thing to grow through. I'm sure you made your point clear with Seth regarding Emily's birthday and gift. At least he isn't rebelling in more dangerous ways.
Only a few more years and I will be there with Erin. I can't imagine!
Lots of love and hugs to you mama!
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