I have been doing some serious soul searching the last few days... it ain't easy ... or fun.

Sunday marked the day that the money I personally loaned Kevin P. was due to be paid and, of course, Sunday came and went without so much as a phone call.

We have talked with a lawyer but the reality is that Kevin doesn't have any money, he is not going to have any money and any legal action would only hurt his family because his wife would wind up having to take the brunt of that since she is the only one with a job.

But, the anger... oh, the anger... the way he has treated Mark who is the kindest, most giving man I know.... the anger was eating me alive.

I would think I had it under control and then something would come up that made me see RED all over again.

But after this weekend I realized that the anger was really messing up my mojo... Karma and I are usually on pretty good terms but I could feel that was changing. I don't want to be a person that walks around with murder in my heart.

So, I have been spending a good amount of time walking, talking, praying, laying awake at night thinking, reading good thoughts from others, and tonight as I lay out in the pecan grove on cool green grass watching the limbs high above me sway in the breeze, listening to the birds singing to one another, feeling the last heat from the sun as it went down behind me, I feel as if I have finally rid myself of the worst of the anger. I'm not saying it might not crop up again but for now it is under control and hopefully it will just starve out and go away for good.

Kevin P., or no one for that matter, is worth me being all screwed up over...

I have to rest in the fact that Karma will take care of what needs to be taken care of.