Something was just off, you know. That feeling where you just know that "things" aren't right?? The past few days, well about a week now, something has been really bugging me. For one thing, my heart has been giving me fits.. pounding, racing wildly,then being fine. That's enough to set me on edge but it was more than that. It's been one of those weeks were nothing, absolutely nothing, went right. Lots of breakdowns and things just not working out the way they should, not just for me but for Mark especially which sends him into STRESS OVERDRIVE and that effects everyone around here!

I walked and talked. I've sat and thought. I've meditated and pondered. I've sat in the sun and basked. I've sat in my circle and asked for guidance.

This morning I went to Dr. E's facebook page and re-read thru some older posts and found this:


——————————————–



I AM NOT NEEDED THERE … FIRE, GIVE ME FIRE!


I am not needed.

There are enough scholars

arguing both or all sides of everything.

(I always laugh when I hear about “equal time”

as though there are only two sides.

There are thousands of sides to everything.)

I am not needed there.



There are enough etymologists.

There are others who can use the beautiful words

like nosology, tautology,

eschatology, exegesis, and omphalos—

(not to mention syzygy)

even though only five-thousand people worldwide

know what those words really mean.

I am not needed there.



There are ever so many beautiful singers,

whose voices are sweet or clear or powerful.

And though I love to feel them play my bones,

I am not needed there either.



There are more than enough people busy

stirring the pot, taking the high road,

knowing all the short cuts,

calling more cooks to supervise the broth,

adding more coals to the fire.

There are more than enough

who spin evolutionary ideas,

who add more to the heap,

who fill everything that needs filling,

and who are emptying

all the things that they believe are in dire

need of emptying.



There are enough rolling stones,

enough birds in the bushes

(though far fewer in the hand).

There are enough of all these.

I am not needed there.



But down at the back of the house at dark,

leaning over the great stone sharpening wheel,

my old broken shoes fitted to the rusted pedals,

I can make my legs go forever.

I can make my legs go forever.

I can make my legs go forever.



I press the steel blade

of every dull knife—

not hard against hard,

but tender against hard, just right—

against this spinning stone. I make

fly everywhere in the night,

showers of sparks, the little fires

that catch often enough,

and just right

on various dry old tears,

and old useless memories

stacked as crisp papers

in some forlorn attic

under the hairline soffits or

in the cornices of the heart.





And this fire

sets ablaze whatever is needing

warmth…

This fire sets ablaze

And burns away

whatever is no longer needed.



Here I have found my place.

Here, I have found my place.

Here I am needed

at this great stone wheel

that cannot turn by itself,

but only by the bones and blood

of the hands and the legs

that can hold to it,

that can hold to it,

that can hold to it.

Working long, tiring, resting,

Working long, tiring, resting,

Working long, tiring, resting,

coming back

once more.





Fire! Give me fire!

More! Fire!

Again!

Again!



… Showers of sparks, everywhere!

________________________________________________________

It gave me some insight into not letting myself get involved in things that don't really concern me (there has been a lot of busyness around here lately with the studio/record label, new band thing)

It gave me a remembering to stick to "my part" and not be pulled into other people's drama.

It helped remind me of what and who is important.

So, I offered to keep Zoe this morning while Christi ran to town and she took me for a walk. I let her lead and she just walked and walked and walked. If I stopped she would look at me over her shoulder, make this pitiful face, wave her hand and me and say "lets go"! We stopped and touched trees. We sat on the ground. We pulled leaves from branches. We picked flowers and shooed bugs away.
Then we came to the house and watched Tinker Bell.

This afternoon things are feeling a little more correctly aligned in my world.