Okay all you women of great wisdom... I need you to be my sounding board tonight. I am wrestling with a couple of things and it helps me tremendously to write it all out and then hear your opinions.
1.) Copper.
I am not a dog/cat/pet person like some people. My dogs live outside and they are treated like dogs but I love them and take good care of them. It is killing me to see Copper in the shape he is in. He looks at me with those big ol' sad puppy dog eyes like... "hell, woman, I dragged my broken self home so you could do something to help me and you haven't" I know he is laying there in pain. When he does get up which as far as I know was only once today he can barely walk and it looks so painful. He is eating and drinking which I take as a good sign. So, I just don't know what to do. Mark would have had him put down yesterday at the vets so he is no comfort whatsoever. Seth doesn't know what to think and doesn't want to help me decide. So, it's on me. Do I let him live or do we put him out of his misery?
I just don't know.
2.) My oldest son, Charlie, called me tonight. His life is a stinking mess, he is a mess. He can't or won't keep a job. He just wants to work at seasonal carpentry jobs which right now is mostly non-existent. He refuses to go get an hourly job at a Lowe's or Home Depot or hell, Burger King would be better than what he is doing now.
He called because he wants to leave his wife, again. We haven't done this in several years but it used to be a regular event and he wanted me to help him. I let him ramble on and on and finally just asked him "What is it that you want me to do?" He wanted to know if he could stay with us, but, in his mind that involved me getting him here since he has no car (since he wrecked his last weekend) and no money. I finally told him that if he was serious enough to get here that he could stay with us for a while. I don't really want him here because I know that if he does come it will only be a couple of weeks before he is wanting to go back to Alabama. My quandary is in my own mind.. do I go out on a limb to help him, again, or turn my back on him and let him drown in his own stupidity.
What would you do?
Right now I think I will go take a shower and put on my pj's and watch some mindless activity.
Thanks for your input.
6 comments:
What does the vet say about Copper? If he's in constant pain I'd probably have him put down. It would kill me, but I couldn't let him suffer.
Charlie..kids are such a tough subject. I know how much you love him, but I also know from experience that love isn't always enough.
As a parent I can't imagine not giving Erin or Hayden whatever help they need whenever they need it. The repetition does take it's toll though. I've seen it with my mom and Charity. I guess what you have to decide is if he's just taking advantage of your mother's heart or if he is really seeking change. Perhaps a warning that this will be the last time you help him in this way if he chooses to go back to the same old life again.
I hope you'll find an answer to each of these that brings you peace. I'm sending lots of light your way.
the vet said give him a week to see how he does. If he can't get up to go to pee and poop he's done for because he will get an infection and die anyway. He said there was a possiblity that the backbone might calcify and Copper be able to get around a little on his own.
I'd probably do what the vet said and wait a week; spend lots of time loving on him and let him enjoy his time if it's his last week.
I think you've set up a good thing with your son--if he gets there, you can help, but it can't be absolutely pain free for him. He needs to be a man, even if he is your son.
I agree about Copper. Is he just old or is he injured in some way? I didn't read your other blogs which may have the answer. We just faced this last September. Ugh! We loved our dog. She was such a companion to my husband. But she was just getting sick and she was snapping at Alyssa. So we put her down. It's not the worst thing, but my heart did break. And we miss her still. If it was me, I'd give it a week, too. Then do what the vet advises. Can you give him pain meds for the time being?
Oh man, the kid thing...Darren was one of those guys that didn't want to take a grunt job, even if it meant that he didn't have any money. 'Course why not? We fed him and got him stuff if he needed it. That was our fault. It was so hard because I didn't want to alienate him, but I also really wanted him to take care of himself. I never did really come up with an answer...sorry...he got married...so part of me was relieved when I could say, his wife can take care of him now. [what a cop-out, eh?]
Anyway, I just ended up dealing with each situation as it came up. And cried and prayed and fussed. What would I do now? Let him find his own way home, feed him while he's there, and let him find his own way back. Darren would have to work at our house, too.
I must be the most backward person on the planet.
My heart hurts for you and your situation with Copper, but for me the situation with Charlie seems very clear.
It was just over a year ago that our dear Randy died (via vet housecall) because we just couldn't let him suffer through the lymphoma that he had. We still miss him every day, and even have a little box for his ashes with his photo lazered into it. We are very much cat people, perhaps because we are childless. I would have to have the vet come and release Copper from his pain.
Charlie on the other hand is a grown man. Won't get a job is incomprehensible to me. I've been working nearly nonstop since the age of 11. I think that if he comes to live with you, he'll end up being there much longer, and the chaos and shit that his life is right now will be your life too. How mad would you be after working all day to come home a and see him on the sofa watching Oprah day after day for 6 months?
If he won't deal with the responsibilities of his life now, there is nothing to inspire him to do so with a free roof over his head and a sympathetic ear. His problem will become your problem instead, and it will hurt you far more than it will help him.
This is my most humble opinion.
I love your honesty, all of you, and greatly value your opinions. Seth and I have decided together to give Copper a few more days.
The Charlie situation is still up in the air. I will let you know how that plays out.
Thank you so much
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