Decision time...

A week or so ago just as Seth was getting up I was headed out the door; he looked at me with sad eyes and asked where I was going? "I have to take Gmother to the store." He didn't say a word, just sighed a big heavy sigh and said "ok". Right then and there I made a decision.

let me back up a minute though. ....

when I was about Seth's age, 13 or 14, the time in my life that I really needed a Mom, my parents sold my Grandmother's house and all of her worldly belongings and moved her into our house. She had Alzheimer's. The next few years were a nightmare. The doctors kept my Grandmother on mega doses of Thorazine and, of course, my Mother never questioned it. She got mean. She would run away and tell the neighbors we were trying to kill her. My Dad put bars on her windows so she couldn't climb out of them. She got meaner, she tried to attack me with a pair of scissors. My Dad put a locked gate on her bedroom door. She would stand at the gate day and night screaming obscenities at us. I couldn't have friends over. My mothers whole life was consumed with taking care of her, my Dad retreated more and more to our farm house, only coming home (part of the time)to sleep and then get up and leave again, and I was left pretty much on my own.
Do you know what happens to an angry teenager left to their own devises? Yeah, that's right - drugs, alcohol, and lots of sex.

My Grandmother died when I was 16, pregnant and gone.

I swore to myself that if and when taking care of my own Mother started threatening my marriage or my kids lives, I was DONE.

I'M DONE

I talked to my brother about it last night. He is getting ready to have major surgery on his ears, he's getting a cochlear implant. I told him that after his surgery and after taking all the time he needs for recovery we are bringing Mother to them. It will be a few month's, but, I see the end of this.

It feels harsh, but, I have learned over the years how to say NO to things that only bring pain to me. I will not put her before my husband and kids.