This was a hard morning, but, let me back up a little....

The church we are attending has a Saturday night service. I wanted to go Saturday night instead of Sunday morning to avoid the Easter Sunday crowd and have plenty of time to enjoy cooking Sunday morning and not feel rushed.

The video preacher talked about the 4 steps on the road to finding God's will for your life and although I hate those kinds of step 1, 2, 3 formula messages I did glean something from it. His last step was finding clarity or knowing that what you are doing is the right thing for your life (according to God's will).

I'm there. I've been there for a long time. I know what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I've already been thru the stage where I had to tell church leaders and everyone else that my priorities are my family first. They have to come first in my life. When I realized that we were in a church where we were in leadership and were so busy with what was going on at church that we had no time for God or each other. I put my foot down and said NO. NO, we won't lead the prayer group on Monday night, be at praise practice on Tuedsday night, teach the kids on Wednesday night, have a home group on Thursday night, teach Sunday school on Sunday, work in the nursery and be at every dinner or shower or womans retreat. I'm just not doing it anymore. And, I didn't.

I know what I am supposed to be doing. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter. I have a daughter who constantly needs me and I have to be here for her and right now at this stage in my life I have to be whatever it is my Mother needs. It looks like I am the chosen one for this task, as ironic as that may be it is what it is.

When we left church Saturday night I knew I had to go talk to my brother and tell him (this is my oldest brother - Mr. Perfect - who always knows what is the way things should be done and I am just the little sister who can't possibly know anything)that I thought he should leave Mother here.

Everything I've read about Alzhiemers patients says that the best thing you can do is not upset their routine. I was afraid that if he took her home with him and kept her for several months she would never be able to be at home alone again. I knew her staying here in her own environment was what was best for her no matter how either one of us felt about it. He just wanted to help her and I was looking forward to the break from having to care for her but.........

This morning when it was time for them to head home, he just couldn't. I took my coffee and went up to Mother's house, reassured him that we would be ok and shooed them out the door - my brother with eyes full of tears, making me promise I would call them if it became too much for me to handle.

This is what I have to do.