I have to wonder sometimes if every human is as messed up in the head as I am?

So much fear and anxiety, so much hatred and negativity .... Once again, fear and loathing is the way I feel most of the time.

I dreamed last night that I was changing a baby's diaper in the trunk of my car in the middle of a huge, empty parking lot. I just got a new diaper part way on him and he peed all over the place. I looked down and there was a towel on the ground. I reached for it and suddenly it was out of my reach. I walked to where it was, seemed far. I looked up and I was in the middle of this parking lot and a semi was heading right at me. I looked back at the car where I had left the baby and someone was walking towards it. They grabbed my baby and threw it like a football.....

Fear. Anxiety. Insecurities.

In all of my dreams.

Never anything pleasant.

Been a bad day for dieting.

I will do better tomorrow.

The whole weight loss thing just wears me out. I am pleased that I have lost 17 pounds on one hand, then, I think...Lord, if I lose another 17 I will only be "down" to 200 pounds. HOLY CRAP! When did I get so freaking fat. How did I let this happen??
All I know to do is keep trying. Rejoice in small victories and keep pushing.
After my shower last night I could actually wrap the towel all the way around me. Yeah Me!

It is probably a very good thing that we have no close neighbors....

Ms. Em loves music, she loves it LOUD.
I make her wear headphones, but, she also likes to sing...AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

Sounds a whole lot like we are torturing her or a very sick cow. ... but, I never make her stop. I just come out to the office or go sit outside.

That's my girl.

So. Freaking. Depressed.

Sunny and cold. Makes me glad to be alive.

Up and at 'em. I took care of the chickens and out for my daily walk. Absolutely beautiful morning.
At this stage of my life I am grateful for every new day. As you get old, older, you really learn to live in the moment because the moment may be all you have.

I know no one cares, but, no one reads so what the heck....

In August I downloaded an app called LoseIt. My projected goal was to lose 50 pounds at 1 pound per week. So far I have lost 12 pounds. As fat as I am you can't really tell that I've lost any, but, I'm starting to feel the difference. I'll just keep poking along doing the best I can. I really have to do it his time. I've had to start another, third, blood pressure medication to keep my BP under control.