It was a beautiful day today here in Oklahoma. I worked in the yard a little, walked the trail and then sat up against the studio in the sunshine. I contemplated the whole idea of meeting with others. I looked up some book reviews on "finding God outside of the church"

All I got was that same sense of panic.

All of the books I looked at smacked of the same ol', same ol' stuff we have already been through. Everyone was about house church, or organic church... no thank you. That's not what I'm looking to find.

The scary thing is that I don't have a clue what I am looking for... what do I want????

something meditative
something contemplative
something inward
something deeper
something bigger

I don't know. I want to dance through the fields and watch the stars. I want to walk barefoot on the grass and feel the earth's vibrations. I want to lay my hand on the smooth bark of a cottonwood tree and feel its life. I want the Spirit to move me. I want to read or write or hear poetry so beautiful it makes me weep.

But, I will tell you what I did do tonight that felt good.

I sat with an old man who recently lost his wife. A man I knew when he was younger and stronger. A man who has been left alone by the church he attended for nearly 30 years, by his children, by almost everyone and we made him smile and laugh a little and shared our french fries.

I think it was divine.